If you're still reading this after seeing the title, thank you.
This week, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston discuss Rumer Willis being bullied, Emma Watson's recycled plastic fashion and U.N. credentials, pitcher Carlos Martinez's STDs, Grimes's Kesha-like story (or not), and Lee Daniels apologizing to Sean Penn over black domestic violence.
Is Azealia Banks right about Beyonce using black stereotypes to sell records to white people, even if she's just a black stereotype herself? Is Blac Chyna's purple Lamborghini gift from Rob Kardashian just proof of her being a whore? And what the hell is up with Adam LaRoche's undercover sex sting in Vietnam? Lex and Matt probe these tender topics as well as Female Ted Cruz's porn deal, Leonardo DiCaprio finding time to speak to the UN between banging countless babes, Lena Dunham's threat to leave the US if Hillary Clinton isn't elected president, Prince's Percocet use, and Target restrooms.
Can Tess Holliday be fat-shamed and pregnant-shamed simultaneously? After Dax Shepard’s confession, is there anyone left in Hollywood who HASN’T been molested? And James Franco, who won’t stop talking about his sexuality, is upset that people won’t stop talking about his sexuality. Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston probe all these deep topics, as well as Cheryl Burke feeing suicidal over working with Ian Ziering on Dancing With the Stars, the death of Prince, Curt Schilling getting fired for speaking his mind about trans people taking shits, and Harriet Tubman replacing Andrew Jackson on $20 bills.
The Lakers celebrate Kobe's retirement as they win the final game of the worst season in their history, Johnny Manziel and Lamar Odom seem to just want to drink themselves to death, Erykah Badu thinks girls should "lower their skirts" because men are animals with no self control, and Bow Wow (he's not Lil' anymore) fakes his wealth. Lex and Matt are back to talk about these important happenings, as well as the Equal Pay for Women Monument, secret totally-not-gay societies at Harvard and similar elite institutions, and Ted Cruz's bizarre story involving a hoard of Campbell's Soup.
Jennifer Lawrence says something about body image issues, Azealia Banks says something about Sarah Palin on Twitter, Jennifer Lopez says "produce my new single" to Dr. Luke, and Matt mentions a new fashion trend called "period skirts." Oh, and Tom Cruise's Scientology fortress.
No April fools here, just Lex and Matt talking about a Broadway production that put out a casting call preferring non-whites, Lamar Odom drinking again, the ethical implications of extorting money from the Kardashian family, an overexposed videogame ass, a cop bothered by Elton John's gay come-ons, and more!
Lex and Matt are back to discuss Hulk Hogan's sex tape payout, Kesha's lamentations of "slavery," NFL baby daddy records, tennis pay equality, Ellen DeGeneres, HBO and a terminally ill comedian named Quincy Jones, and an NBA anti-harassment consultant.
Lex and Matt discuss Madonna's meltdown over missing her son, Adam LaRoche's retirement from the Chicago White Sox because they wouldn't allow his son in the clubhouse all season long, and Charlie Sheen's seven-figure child support requirement. Then you can finish nursing that St. Patty's hangover as they talk about the WNBA, Sean Penn, El Chapo, drugs, Mariah Carey, more drugs, and the ethical and moral implications of barbering with regard to transsexual customers.
Who in the hell would hire a bearded woman as a model? What's the latest with Charlie Sheen, Brett Rossi, and HIV? And is any black actress truly "black enough?" Lex and Matt are back from a break to answer all these pressing questions, and talk about Kesha's Dr. Luke rape allegations, Caitlin Jenner preferring men, Blac Chyna's effect on Rob Kardashian's fitness, and whether Eva Amurri's husband declining sex with their nanny is really something to brag about.
It seems every award show is just piling on the blackness ever since the Oscar nominees were announced, but that unfortunately means we have to talk about Kanye West more. Lex and Matt are back to nail these issues from both sides, plus the Sports Illustrated XL Swimsuit Issue, Gwyneth Paltrow's super exclusive club, Ted Cruz firing a porn star, and #AdidasSoGay
Peyton Manning says "this Bud's for me," after winning Super Bowl 50, after Beyonce shouts out to #BlackLivesMatter and the Black Panthers at the Halftime Show (does anyone still even watch that?). Lex and Matt break it all down, plus Chelsea Handler's tits, the sexist implications of not voting for Hillary Clinton and what she means for other people named Hillary, Casey Anthony's new business, Lily Rose Depp's old sexual orientation, and George Clooney's all-white films' effect on black acting opportunities in Hollywood.
Who knew Kanye's ultimate weakness was assplay? Is high school wrestling the gayest sport ever invented? And is #SAGawardsSoBlack just a lazy, pandering repsonse to #OscarsSoWhite, or an actual victory for acceptance? Lex and Matt establish a firm grip on these topics, plus an Australian rape club, Charlie Sheen's Mexican HIV medicine, reverse psychology in alcohol advertising, Blac Chyna's airport antics, and finally they "react" to the Fine Brothers' asinine trademark application.
How screwed up is Hollywood these days? The Academy announces affirmative action for their membership, straight celebrities are posing as gay couples for photos, and apparently no black baby is safe from a famous adoptive parent! Special guest Pete Giovine joins Lex and Matt to talk about this, as well as Amy Schumer's joke ripoff allegations, the Buffalo Bills hiring the NFL's first female assistant coach, Larry Flynt vs. Hef, sexual double standards regarding student/teacher bangings, and a HuffPo editor saying #WhiteBooksDontMatter.
Why can't male teenage film bloggers make sexually suggestive jokes involving Amy Schumer when such jokes are basically her entire act? Is a memoir just a pretentious way of saying "autobiography," and should we require that their authors are, well, notable? Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston tackle these tough questions and discuss the whiteness of The Oscars, Tila Tequila's GoFundMe campaign (and the size of her tits), tennis corruption, whether or not Khloe Kardashian is retarded, yet another "gay" teen actress, and Neil Patrick Harris's bench theft.
Well, none of us won the huge Powerball jackpot, so we're kicking off the new year with a ridiculous new episode. Lex and Matt discuss the merits of lotteries like Powerball, plus-size lingerie modeling, Sean Penn's interview with El Chapo, David Bowie groupgrief, and the Playboy Mansion being up for sale (under condition that Hugh Hefner will still live there).
How can The Edge (from U2) claim to be an environmentalist while building five mansions in Malibu? Has Wu-Tang Clan's $2 million album stunt reached its perfect conclusion with Martin "Pharma Bro" Shkreli buying it? And does Ronda Rousey care about body image stigmas or is she just letting herself go after her first UFC loss? Lex and Matt absolutely deliver on this final episode of the Fall season with all these hot topics, plus Sikhs being mistaken for Muslims, Ben Affleck's back tat, renaming racist stadiums, and how nobody can stop Donald Trump.
Media scrutiny is #literally crippling, right Kylie Jenner? And what's with all these women suing men regarding sexual relations? I mean, so what if James Deen made some lady's butthole bleed or Charlie Sheen wasn't open about his HIV? It's an incredibly important episode with Lex and Matt this week as they tackle these issues and debate whether alcoholism is a disease, why celebrities give their kids stupid names, why certain animals' lives matter more than others, and the death of Scott Weiland.
Lex and Matt finished nursing their Thanksgiving hangovers just in time to discuss some important topics, like the 43rd Pirelli Calendar getting all serious and sophisticated, Kobe Bryant's poetry, Sinead O'Connor's fake Facebook suicide, Bernie Sanders porn, porn star James Deen's rape accusations, and apparently The Hulk is a Korean teen now. Lex gets his panties in a bunch over calling Muslim terrorists Muslims, and if that wasn't enough religious extremism for you, Tim Tebow's girlfriend dumped him for refusing to have sex with her.
I guess the only thing odd about Charlie Sheen having HIV is the fact that he went on The Today Show to announce it. But could you imagine if he just wrote that on a restaurant receipt where the tip is supposed to go, just like other people do to shock their servers and whoever else sees it once it goes, well, y'know...viral? And it's hard enough being a widower of a 9/11 first responder, but then Glamour Magazine had to go and give the same Woman of the Year award to some transsexual named Caitlyn Jenner, so James Smith basically had no choice but to posthumously return his wife Moira's award, right? Lex and Matt are back to talk about these intense topics, along with the ridiculousness of whiny college kids wanting to feel safe from even the most laser-specific "triggers" and "microaggressions" while in school, the latest on Lamar Odom and Khloe and the rest of the Kardashians, and this age of misinformation and #slacktivism on social media. Plus, Matt reveals that he's in a Twitter war with rapper 2 Chainz regarding his threatening lyrics and tweets toward a certain female fan. Also, mark November 17, 2020 down in your calendars, because Matt has officially set the over-under on Charlie Sheen's inevitable death at five years.
Jeff Richards is our special guest this week as he and Matt Ralston try to pass Lex Jurgen's Big Gay Quiz! They also discuss the recent spat between Vivica A. Fox and 50 Cent, and whether or not Fiddy's claim that she licked his asshole is actually a gay comeback to gay allegations. Plus, is Pamela Anderson's announcement of being Hep C-free inspiring or just gloating? Is there any #HopeForOurDaughters if their activism videos turn out like the one accompanying the Suffragette film marketing campaign? And of course, Starbucks' antichrist cups, Larry David's $5000 "Trump's a racist" heckle on Saturday Night Live, and whether black presidential candidates like Ben Carson are immune from criticism by the mainstream media.
Is publicly quitting Instagram any different than desperately seeking attention on Instagram in the first place? Is there any easy way to handle transsexual high schoolers' rights regarding locker rooms? And are there any possible Halloween costumes left that won't offend some hypersensitive douche? Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston are back after a Halloween bender to talk about these important issues, plus a Stanford student who got dumped and then claimed all sex with her boyfriend was nonconsensual, another sexist all-female movie remake, this time of "Ocean's Eleven," Donald Trump on Saturday Night Live, the importance of Latino voters, and why in the hell Angelina Jolie Pitt keeps making movies.
Doesn't Zooey Deschanel know the whole "celebrities giving their babies weird names" thing is wholly unoriginal at this point? Is the new all-women Ghostbusters movie empowering or sexist? And is Jeb! Bush's campaign merchandise brilliantly unique or just desperate pandering in attempt to stay relevant? Lex and Matt explore these critical topics as well as unearned pay raises, Ruby Rose's claim that gender is a spectrum, Police Chief Bratton cooking the crime stats, porn stars who date Charlie Sheen and if they deserve the inevitable disastrous consequences come their way, and whether Ronda Rousey's attractiveness and your heterosexuality are inversely related.
How in the hell does Taylor Swift keep selling out stadiums and making truckloads of money? Is Amy Schumer a funny comedian, funny for a woman, or just another joke thief? And should Denis Hof kept his mouth shut about Lamar Odom, or would Khloe and the Kardashians have just told everyone about Lammy's cocaine-laced sex binge at his Nevada brothel anyway? Will Lupardus (@WilliamLupardus) joins Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston to discuss these vital topics, plus that time Matt went to Paris Hilton's CD release party in Las Vegas, the science behind the power of prayer, Koko the Gorilla's kitten request, and whether or not self-proclaimed democratic socialist Bernie Sanders has any chance of winning the presidency over a year from now!
Can the gender pay equality movement find a better spokeswoman than top Hollywood actress Jennifer Lawrence? Is Taylor Swift right to be upset with her boyfriend Calvin Harris for getting a Thai massage, or is it even cheating if it's just a rub-n-tug without kissing? Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston are back to discuss these pressing topics, as well as Campbell's new gay soup marketing push, Zimbabwe declining to press charges on Walter Palmer (the dentist who killed Cecil the Lion), Playboy doing away with nudes and focusing on the articles, an open carry dildo protest at the University of Texas (#CocksNotGlocks) and whether #BlackNamesMatter!
Should Gerod Roth have been fired for his friends' racist comments on his work selfie? Is it anyone's business what Will Smith does for his kids' hopes and dreams? Is Demi Lovato's nude photoshoot for Vanity Fair supposed to be a big #empowerment piece for women just because she didn't wear makeup? Join Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston for a rousing talk about these topics, plus Kylie Jenner's new ride (as in, she purchased an automobile), Eazy-E's AIDS, and [TRIGGER WARNING] gun-related armchair activism. Also, Matt presents a special field report on Amber Rose's SlutWalk in Downtown LA.