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Last Men On Earth

Men had a decent run on this planet. We can go sullen face into the abyss of feminist asexual reproduction and guys from spin class who order beer with hints of fruit or we can face the end of masculinity with a stiff upper lip, a purpose-filled boner, and some understanding of how the fuck we got stamped for extermination in the first place. I can’t remember which option involves less work. Maybe we’ll just do the sullen face thing. The Last Men on Earth isn’t an exaggeration. Search your newsstands, magazine racks, and online hotspots. There’s a war on scrotums and the scrotes are losing. Badly. No, you don’t get a last cigarette. Those were targeted for elimination before the men. You can’t fight what you don’t believe exists. Death is coming in the form of one politically correct Grim Reaper. Ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to have something I could call my own. Not the pants my dad poached from drunk midgets in parking structures or the bicycle with one wheel he told me would take me on grand imaginary adventures. Something special. On Last Men on Earth, we say what we want, even if that means being pushed to the front of the extruder line. See you on the other side. Ask Hank for the fresh doughnuts. He’ll know whether or not you earned them. Lex
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Last Men On Earth
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Now displaying: Page 2
May 4, 2017

Who does V Magazine think the target audience for Ashley Graham's nude photos is? Lex and Matt dive deep into this and Rosie O'Donnell nakedly chasing her teen daughter around with a wine bottle, Mark Zuckerberg's "listening tour," selling murderers' cars, Fox News sexual harassment house-cleaning, the dumbass models blindly promoting the disastrous FyreFest, and Lonzo Ball's dad milking him for all he's worth.

Apr 27, 2017

Fat Tess Holliday fat shames her fat Uber driver, Emmanuel Macron married the teacher who raped him and nobody cares, Brie Larson is full of shit, Abigail Breslin keeps talking about rape without evidence, Serena Williams does some weird baby stuff, Caitlyn Jenner's resemblance to Sound Guy Brian's pizza, and Facebook Live murders and social media's implications about society at large. As always, recorded live at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City.

Apr 13, 2017

Caitlin Jenner finally has "the surgery," Abigail Breslin opens up on social media about date rape in lieu of the legal system, Melania Trump is legally not a prostitute, Clay Adler joins the ranks of now-dead ex-MTV reality show stars, Matt explains overrated people and things in his new segment, Lex's panties are in a bunch about David Schwimmer, and of course, United Airlines out-does Pepsi

Apr 6, 2017

Sound guy Brian somehow didn't save last week's amazing episode, but he's back and sober enough to remember to hit "save" at the correct time as Lex and Matt discuss that outrage-inducing Pepsi ad with Kendall Jenner, Lena Dunham losing weight and therefore selling out, why David Spade gets so much tail, Rupert Sanders claiming his artistic inspiration came from nailing Kristen Stewart and wrecking his marriage, how Pam Anderson and Julian Assange are definitely still fucking, Brits dropping "Easter" from the name of their egg hunt, and that Funny Or Die video about why men should pay for pap smears or some damn thing.

Mar 23, 2017

Lex and Matt descend upon Rocco's Tavern in Studio City to hammer the week's most pressing topics: Kesha losing in court again instead of making good music, Scott Disick's sex addiction, how funny Chelsea Handler is, the marital and ethical strains caused by your wife fucking a middle schooler, a women-only table read of "Juno," Alejandra Campoverdi's Maxim photos and fake Streisand Effect attention bait, and...yeah, people are actually paying to rent raccoons in Russia. 

Mar 15, 2017

Lex and Matt discuss Justin Bieber being a dick to his fans like we all wish we could do, Snoop Dogg's fake shooting of a fake Trump, Mama June's hotness, the Texas masturbation protest bill, Pamela's Anderson's...well, technically it's poetry, for Julian Assange, and that Wall Street yuppie humping the statue of a little girl staring down the statue of a bull, prompting a discussion on rodeos in which our resident Wyomingite and sound engineer Brian wishes he thought of the pun "Dancing With the Steers" before typing this just now.

Mar 8, 2017

It's the day of the Day Without a Woman protest, or strike, or walk-out, or whatever. Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern to explore this, Beauty and the Bestiality, why Snapchat is worth so damn much money, Harrison Ford somehow still having a pilot license, fat models, and when celebrities die of "natural causes"

Mar 1, 2017

Never mind that Best Picture fuck-up at the Oscars, what's with them bringing a three-strike felon on stage? Matt joins Lex and his gender-neutral child, Bobby, at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City for a deep discussion on this and Emma Watson's "Beauty and the Beast" feminist revision, ABC's "When We Rise" miniseries on gay rights, that cheating HuffPo blogging marathoner, intentional fatness for body positivity, and more transexual toilet talk. 

Feb 17, 2017

Are we supposed to pretend like that year-long stint of titless Playboy never happened?  Lex and Matt are joined by radio personality Jake Dill at Rocco's Tavern to discuss this as well as Beyonce's lack of musical talent, a bigger, fatter, "more inclusive" SI Swimsuit Issue, Canada's ban on underage-looking sex dolls, how Emily Ratajkowski is the hottest annoying chick out there, the Day Without an Immigrant protest, fashion show bitchiness, and horrible people they secretly admire. 

Feb 10, 2017

Women are mad as hell and they're gonna...well, do nothing, someday... Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern to make fun of this, as well as Lady Gaga's fake body shaming, lame Super Bowl commercials, "Dear White People" on Netflix, how the Duggars keep popping out babies, the struggle of being Madonna's kid, and Matt explains how super rich guys like Johnny Depp can actually be broke asses. 

Feb 3, 2017

Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern to talk about Matt Barnes and Derek Fischer's hate-fest, the British Medical Association claiming it's discriminatory against trans and intersex people to say pregnancy is "a woman thing," crazy Azealia Banks fighting with Rihanna, Kesha's steady flow of Dr. Luke rape allegations, NFL Super Bowl ad censorship, and how fucked the Grammys are. 

Jan 27, 2017

Some mom in Utah will be doing time for doing high schoolers, Shia LeBeouf's crazy performance art political protest something-or-other, Matt's lesson to us all on the meaning of intersex, Malia Obama's internship, an SNL writer's joke about Donald Trump's son Barron that led to suspension and outrage, and #OscarsSoNoticeablyLessWhite

Jan 20, 2017

Ocean's Eight is the latest installment in the all-female cast movie remake trend, Holly Sonders becomes golf's Anna Kournikova, Matt explains why the future is going to suck, Joss Whedon's violent anti-Republican fantasies, possibly the pussiest GoFundMe campaign yet, and then a cheerful discussion about Microsoft's anti-porn employees and their psychological trauma after watching tons of bestiality and torture videos. Just another Thursday at Rocco's Tavern with Lex, Matt, and Brian's colorful drink selection. 

Jan 13, 2017

The guys return to chat about Joseph Fiennes landing his dream role of...Michael Jackson?  Then Lola Kirke attends the Golden Globes without shaving her armpits because girl power or something, Kristen Stewart being a convenient lesbian, Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli getting banned from Twitter, Karlie Kloss teaching girls to write code, Lex's experience getting cut off by Mancow on the air, and Matt explains why the hell Chris Brown isn't in jail. 


Recorded live at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City

Jan 6, 2017

Lex and Matt have finally suppressed their holiday hangovers are are back at Rocco's Tavern to talk about Superfly Snuka being too crazy to stand trial for murder, Ray Jay selling out or cashing in on the only reason why he's famous, Joe Mixon's knockout punch, that fake-ass toddler dresser crush rescue video, Caitlyn Jenner - makeup queen, and how a BBC show pushed the limits of comedy with a feature called "Real Housewives of ISIS"

Dec 16, 2016

Pitbull apparently had partnered with Florida's tourism board, some women are convinced that not having kids constitutes environmental activism, and BuzzFeed holds an even "bigger" fashion show than Victoria's Secret. Lex and Matt are back to yap about all this, plus a Politico reporter axed for an obscene tweet about Trump and his daughter, Piers Morgan calling out Lady Gaga and Madonna over their rape stories, the new Baywatch movie, and how Santa Claus's viral news story about a kid dying his arms turned out to be fake. 

Dec 9, 2016

Lex and Matt are back to talk about Johnny Manziel's career hurdles, Serena Williams' demands for equality in tennis, online virginity sales and whether the seller or the buyer is creepier, Santa body shaming fat kids, Sofia Vergara being sued by her embryos, Elizabeth Ruiz's sex tape with Von Miller, and rapist Roman Polanski.

Recorded live at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City, Los Angeles.

Dec 2, 2016

Another year, another Pirelli calendar that doesn't seem geared toward its target audience. Then Lex and Matt look at Tom Cruise's likeability and authenticity, Amber Heard talking about domestic abuse, Mariah Carey's struggles with revenge, whether heirs are inherently winners or losers, and speaking of them, our new segment, The Game of Undeserving Winners, examines people who have absolutely no good reason for their commercial success.

Nov 17, 2016

Lex and Matt's President-Elect Donald Trump hangovers have subsided long enough for them to talk about the protests, a christian blogger ending her marriage to come out as lesbian for Abby Wambach, Ashley Graham's big, beautiful Barbie doll, Von Miller, Reggie Bush, and the The Ohio State University student who delivered a flying tackle to a college protestor in our new segements Idiot of the Week and Winner of the Week, Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian's baby exploitation, and how Gabby Douglas and Emmy Rossum have Lex's panties in a bunch.

Nov 4, 2016

Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City to discuss Bud Light pulling their gender equality commercials in favor of more NFL ads, Ashley Graham's fat glorification, the sexist and/or gay nature of the term "fuck boy," Mila Kunis's experience with sexism, how Matt hates Mariah Carey, Bill Cosby and his accusers, and how Time Magazine has Lex's panties in a bunch over the presidential election.

Oct 28, 2016

Kim Kardashian makes millions selling herself; is this a symptom of the dumbing-down of society, or is she just gathering all the dumb people into one easily-recognizable place?  Lex and Matt probe this issue along with Byron Allen's cable channel moneymaking strategy, Jamie Foxx's sexuality and his down low romance with Katie Holmes, evidence-free rape accusers like Kesha and Derrick Rose's FWB, Hillary Clinton's tribal women voters, Selena Gomez in rehab and Demi Lovato cracking up again, whether Subway is liable for not telling Jared Fogle's ex-wife that he was a creepy pedophile, and a Man Rules discussion regarding men and halloween costumes.

Oct 21, 2016

Number 1, as Donald "Donnie" Trump Jr. says, don't say anything, or you'll be labeled a "hater." Number 2, as Leo DiCaprio has demonstrated, you just can't be a rich playboy and a good social activist at the same time. Number 3, check out Lex Jurgen's new book, "Man Rules - The Beginner's Guide to Manhood" available on Amazon today! Wait, maybe, that should have been rule number 1 here.
Anyway, Lex and Matt discuss these important issues as well as men who get nose jobs, Christian Audiger's frozen man juice, Peter Thiel, Mark Zuckerberg, and the fourth-grade mentality surrounding partisan politics, the comparative importance of ass-kissing and actually being funny if you're a comedian, and is the percentage of women who have been sexually assaulted now officially 100%?

Oct 14, 2016

Lex and Matt return to Rocco's Tavern to discuss how Donald Trump should be the dividing line for your male friends from this point onward, Birth of a Nation's box office performance, the Bathrooms Accessible In Every Situation Act (BAbIES?), Derrick Rose's rape lawsuit, what the hell Kesha's medical records would show, Matt Hates NBC, Lex's panties are in a bunch over creepy clown bandwagoners, and Lex brings up King Cairo in our new segment: "The Unlucky Bastard of the Week"

Oct 7, 2016

Special guest Retep of I Can't Believe This Shit Podcast (@ICBTS_Podcast) drops by as Lex and Matt talk about makeup oppression, Arnold Schwarzenegger and his bastard son, and Kiefer Sutherland's functional alcoholism in our new "Man of the Week" segment, the thin line between lesbianism and simply hating men, a University of Michigan pronoun protest, Derrick Rose's super sexual trial, Joe Buck's Hair Plug addiction and how that somehow made him lose his voice or some damn thing, and how Matt. Hates. Demi. Lovato.

Sep 30, 2016

We had to take a week off as our sound guy suffered a broken forearm in an incident he claims is curtain-related, but Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston are back to talk about Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump's first presidential debate and the subsequent fat-shaming controversy, Knott's Scary Farm being too offensive, Matt's utter disdain for E.J. Johnson, Playboy's struggle to stay relevant, Blake Griffin's apology, Emma Watson and equality, and finally a deep dive into bisexuality.

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