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Last Men On Earth

Men had a decent run on this planet. We can go sullen face into the abyss of feminist asexual reproduction and guys from spin class who order beer with hints of fruit or we can face the end of masculinity with a stiff upper lip, a purpose-filled boner, and some understanding of how the fuck we got stamped for extermination in the first place. I can’t remember which option involves less work. Maybe we’ll just do the sullen face thing. The Last Men on Earth isn’t an exaggeration. Search your newsstands, magazine racks, and online hotspots. There’s a war on scrotums and the scrotes are losing. Badly. No, you don’t get a last cigarette. Those were targeted for elimination before the men. You can’t fight what you don’t believe exists. Death is coming in the form of one politically correct Grim Reaper. Ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to have something I could call my own. Not the pants my dad poached from drunk midgets in parking structures or the bicycle with one wheel he told me would take me on grand imaginary adventures. Something special. On Last Men on Earth, we say what we want, even if that means being pushed to the front of the extruder line. See you on the other side. Ask Hank for the fresh doughnuts. He’ll know whether or not you earned them. Lex
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Now displaying: August, 2016
Aug 31, 2016

Apparently sexting other people wasn't enough to get Huma Abedin to separate from her husband, Anthony Weiner (aka Carlos Danger), but sexting with their four-year-old son in the background crossed a line. Then Chris Brown got arrested for pulling a gun while high on a regional beauty pageant winner, Lenny Dykstra claims Mickey Rourke owes him money, Lena Dunham wearing lingerie empowers women in a "big" way, and on an unrelated note, Go Topless Day happened this weekend. As always, Lex's panties are in a bunch, this week over men's action selfie videos while doing stunts. And don't forget, Michael Jackson would have been 58 this week (but his pedophilia allegations would be in their 30s or something).

Aug 19, 2016

Lex and Matt bask in the glory of successfully predicting Ryan Lochte's fabricated Brazil Rambo situation and Amber Heard walking away with $7 million for mere extortion. Then Kurt Metzger deals with a comedy pal's rape accusations on message boards, The New York Post publishes a study saying teens are having porn-induced erectile dysfunction, Shaun White sends fecal porn to his chick drummer (oh, and in other news, he's apparently in a band!), PC police accuse Ellen Degeneres of racism for her tweet involving Usain Bolt, and finally, men are just getting weaker and weaker. 

Aug 12, 2016

The female version of Ocean's Eleven had to be cut down to Ocean's Eight, Cindy Crawford's young daughter is getting in to modeling, Malia Obama smokes weed, Martin Shkreli diagnoses Hillary Clinton's mental health problems from afar, Drake's dad makes some music of his own, and Courtney Stodden just can't tell you enough about her recent miscarriage. Lex and Matt swan dive into these topics while wondering when we can finally all just be over the Olympics. 

Aug 5, 2016

Suicide Squad fans want Rotten Tomatoes shut down for their poor review of the movie they've been anticipating, Caitlyn Jenner's TV show gets canceled due to poor ratings, Suge Knight tried to kill poor Eminem, and poor Sharon Osbourne is being torn apart by Ozzy's sex addiction. Then Lex and Matt discuss why pointing out the fact that Hillary's voice is shrill is not inherently sexist, and then about how Taylor Swift is one crazy bitch. Oh, and it's Olympic time in Rio [De Janiero]. 

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