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Last Men On Earth

Men had a decent run on this planet. We can go sullen face into the abyss of feminist asexual reproduction and guys from spin class who order beer with hints of fruit or we can face the end of masculinity with a stiff upper lip, a purpose-filled boner, and some understanding of how the fuck we got stamped for extermination in the first place. I can’t remember which option involves less work. Maybe we’ll just do the sullen face thing. The Last Men on Earth isn’t an exaggeration. Search your newsstands, magazine racks, and online hotspots. There’s a war on scrotums and the scrotes are losing. Badly. No, you don’t get a last cigarette. Those were targeted for elimination before the men. You can’t fight what you don’t believe exists. Death is coming in the form of one politically correct Grim Reaper. Ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to have something I could call my own. Not the pants my dad poached from drunk midgets in parking structures or the bicycle with one wheel he told me would take me on grand imaginary adventures. Something special. On Last Men on Earth, we say what we want, even if that means being pushed to the front of the extruder line. See you on the other side. Ask Hank for the fresh doughnuts. He’ll know whether or not you earned them. Lex
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Now displaying: May, 2016
May 30, 2016

Some vegans died descending Mount Everest, surprising some people for some reason. The University of Georgia pays Ludacris $65,000 and magnum condoms to perform at their spring football game, mandatory sex consent apps on college campuses, and a gay billionaire bankrolling lawsuits against Gawker.

May 23, 2016

Some guy studied how men and women rate TV shows geared toward the opposite sex, Tess Holliday claims some doctor said she's healthy and totally not going to kill her baby with her own obesity, some college coach's wife calls out her cheating husband over twitter, and Huffington Post proudly tweets a photo of their diverse workforce ranging from white women to whiter women. Join Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston for an in-depth look at these and other topics, including the return of Lex's favorite segment: Panties in a Bunch!

May 13, 2016

Yes, Gwyenth Paltrow is selling her gold-plated dildo, and it can be yours for the ridiculous price of just fifteen thousand dollars! Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston plunge deep into this, as well as Ozzy Osbourne's affair with his hairdresser, Calvin Klein's latest underage-looking model marketing campaign, Gene Simmons criticizing Prince, Emma Thompson's opposition to social media-based film casting, and vegan death threats toward Café Gratitude's ownership.

May 6, 2016

If you're still reading this after seeing the title, thank you. 

This week, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston discuss Rumer Willis being bullied, Emma Watson's recycled plastic fashion and U.N. credentials, pitcher Carlos Martinez's STDs, Grimes's Kesha-like story (or not), and Lee Daniels apologizing to Sean Penn over black domestic violence. 

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