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Last Men On Earth

Men had a decent run on this planet. We can go sullen face into the abyss of feminist asexual reproduction and guys from spin class who order beer with hints of fruit or we can face the end of masculinity with a stiff upper lip, a purpose-filled boner, and some understanding of how the fuck we got stamped for extermination in the first place. I can’t remember which option involves less work. Maybe we’ll just do the sullen face thing. The Last Men on Earth isn’t an exaggeration. Search your newsstands, magazine racks, and online hotspots. There’s a war on scrotums and the scrotes are losing. Badly. No, you don’t get a last cigarette. Those were targeted for elimination before the men. You can’t fight what you don’t believe exists. Death is coming in the form of one politically correct Grim Reaper. Ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to have something I could call my own. Not the pants my dad poached from drunk midgets in parking structures or the bicycle with one wheel he told me would take me on grand imaginary adventures. Something special. On Last Men on Earth, we say what we want, even if that means being pushed to the front of the extruder line. See you on the other side. Ask Hank for the fresh doughnuts. He’ll know whether or not you earned them. Lex
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Now displaying: 2016
Dec 16, 2016

Pitbull apparently had partnered with Florida's tourism board, some women are convinced that not having kids constitutes environmental activism, and BuzzFeed holds an even "bigger" fashion show than Victoria's Secret. Lex and Matt are back to yap about all this, plus a Politico reporter axed for an obscene tweet about Trump and his daughter, Piers Morgan calling out Lady Gaga and Madonna over their rape stories, the new Baywatch movie, and how Santa Claus's viral news story about a kid dying his arms turned out to be fake. 

Dec 9, 2016

Lex and Matt are back to talk about Johnny Manziel's career hurdles, Serena Williams' demands for equality in tennis, online virginity sales and whether the seller or the buyer is creepier, Santa body shaming fat kids, Sofia Vergara being sued by her embryos, Elizabeth Ruiz's sex tape with Von Miller, and rapist Roman Polanski.

Recorded live at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City, Los Angeles.

Dec 2, 2016

Another year, another Pirelli calendar that doesn't seem geared toward its target audience. Then Lex and Matt look at Tom Cruise's likeability and authenticity, Amber Heard talking about domestic abuse, Mariah Carey's struggles with revenge, whether heirs are inherently winners or losers, and speaking of them, our new segment, The Game of Undeserving Winners, examines people who have absolutely no good reason for their commercial success.

Nov 17, 2016

Lex and Matt's President-Elect Donald Trump hangovers have subsided long enough for them to talk about the protests, a christian blogger ending her marriage to come out as lesbian for Abby Wambach, Ashley Graham's big, beautiful Barbie doll, Von Miller, Reggie Bush, and the The Ohio State University student who delivered a flying tackle to a college protestor in our new segements Idiot of the Week and Winner of the Week, Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian's baby exploitation, and how Gabby Douglas and Emmy Rossum have Lex's panties in a bunch.

Nov 4, 2016

Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City to discuss Bud Light pulling their gender equality commercials in favor of more NFL ads, Ashley Graham's fat glorification, the sexist and/or gay nature of the term "fuck boy," Mila Kunis's experience with sexism, how Matt hates Mariah Carey, Bill Cosby and his accusers, and how Time Magazine has Lex's panties in a bunch over the presidential election.

Oct 28, 2016

Kim Kardashian makes millions selling herself; is this a symptom of the dumbing-down of society, or is she just gathering all the dumb people into one easily-recognizable place?  Lex and Matt probe this issue along with Byron Allen's cable channel moneymaking strategy, Jamie Foxx's sexuality and his down low romance with Katie Holmes, evidence-free rape accusers like Kesha and Derrick Rose's FWB, Hillary Clinton's tribal women voters, Selena Gomez in rehab and Demi Lovato cracking up again, whether Subway is liable for not telling Jared Fogle's ex-wife that he was a creepy pedophile, and a Man Rules discussion regarding men and halloween costumes.

Oct 21, 2016

Number 1, as Donald "Donnie" Trump Jr. says, don't say anything, or you'll be labeled a "hater." Number 2, as Leo DiCaprio has demonstrated, you just can't be a rich playboy and a good social activist at the same time. Number 3, check out Lex Jurgen's new book, "Man Rules - The Beginner's Guide to Manhood" available on Amazon today! Wait, maybe, that should have been rule number 1 here.
Anyway, Lex and Matt discuss these important issues as well as men who get nose jobs, Christian Audiger's frozen man juice, Peter Thiel, Mark Zuckerberg, and the fourth-grade mentality surrounding partisan politics, the comparative importance of ass-kissing and actually being funny if you're a comedian, and is the percentage of women who have been sexually assaulted now officially 100%?

Oct 14, 2016

Lex and Matt return to Rocco's Tavern to discuss how Donald Trump should be the dividing line for your male friends from this point onward, Birth of a Nation's box office performance, the Bathrooms Accessible In Every Situation Act (BAbIES?), Derrick Rose's rape lawsuit, what the hell Kesha's medical records would show, Matt Hates NBC, Lex's panties are in a bunch over creepy clown bandwagoners, and Lex brings up King Cairo in our new segment: "The Unlucky Bastard of the Week"

Oct 7, 2016

Special guest Retep of I Can't Believe This Shit Podcast (@ICBTS_Podcast) drops by as Lex and Matt talk about makeup oppression, Arnold Schwarzenegger and his bastard son, and Kiefer Sutherland's functional alcoholism in our new "Man of the Week" segment, the thin line between lesbianism and simply hating men, a University of Michigan pronoun protest, Derrick Rose's super sexual trial, Joe Buck's Hair Plug addiction and how that somehow made him lose his voice or some damn thing, and how Matt. Hates. Demi. Lovato.

Sep 30, 2016

We had to take a week off as our sound guy suffered a broken forearm in an incident he claims is curtain-related, but Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston are back to talk about Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump's first presidential debate and the subsequent fat-shaming controversy, Knott's Scary Farm being too offensive, Matt's utter disdain for E.J. Johnson, Playboy's struggle to stay relevant, Blake Griffin's apology, Emma Watson and equality, and finally a deep dive into bisexuality.

Sep 16, 2016

Some people have a problem with a beautifully curvy woman teaching a class of fourth graders even if she doesn't show a lot of skin. Then there's the questions of Donald Trump's medical history and Hillary Clinton's medical current events, Tim Gunn's concerns about too much titty in high fashion, the passing of trans pioneer Alexis Arquette, some super-entitled millennial at UCLA, and Kaia Gerber's fake "Model of the Year" award. Just another afternoon at Rocco's Tavern with Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston!

Sep 9, 2016

Former Fox News leggy talking head Gretchen Carlson snatches a $20 million settlement over Roger Ailes' sexual harassment, Megan Rapinoe takes a knee during the national anthem before nobody watches her soccer game, Melissa Click finds a safer space at a new job, and Burning Man attendees attack the "rich camp" out there in the desert. Lex and Matt also discuss how Miss Missouri is the first openly gay Miss America contestant, Zendaya Coleman and black suffering, and how, somehow, Pamela Anderson is anti-porn. 

Aug 31, 2016

Apparently sexting other people wasn't enough to get Huma Abedin to separate from her husband, Anthony Weiner (aka Carlos Danger), but sexting with their four-year-old son in the background crossed a line. Then Chris Brown got arrested for pulling a gun while high on a regional beauty pageant winner, Lenny Dykstra claims Mickey Rourke owes him money, Lena Dunham wearing lingerie empowers women in a "big" way, and on an unrelated note, Go Topless Day happened this weekend. As always, Lex's panties are in a bunch, this week over men's action selfie videos while doing stunts. And don't forget, Michael Jackson would have been 58 this week (but his pedophilia allegations would be in their 30s or something).

Aug 19, 2016

Lex and Matt bask in the glory of successfully predicting Ryan Lochte's fabricated Brazil Rambo situation and Amber Heard walking away with $7 million for mere extortion. Then Kurt Metzger deals with a comedy pal's rape accusations on message boards, The New York Post publishes a study saying teens are having porn-induced erectile dysfunction, Shaun White sends fecal porn to his chick drummer (oh, and in other news, he's apparently in a band!), PC police accuse Ellen Degeneres of racism for her tweet involving Usain Bolt, and finally, men are just getting weaker and weaker. 

Aug 12, 2016

The female version of Ocean's Eleven had to be cut down to Ocean's Eight, Cindy Crawford's young daughter is getting in to modeling, Malia Obama smokes weed, Martin Shkreli diagnoses Hillary Clinton's mental health problems from afar, Drake's dad makes some music of his own, and Courtney Stodden just can't tell you enough about her recent miscarriage. Lex and Matt swan dive into these topics while wondering when we can finally all just be over the Olympics. 

Aug 5, 2016

Suicide Squad fans want Rotten Tomatoes shut down for their poor review of the movie they've been anticipating, Caitlyn Jenner's TV show gets canceled due to poor ratings, Suge Knight tried to kill poor Eminem, and poor Sharon Osbourne is being torn apart by Ozzy's sex addiction. Then Lex and Matt discuss why pointing out the fact that Hillary's voice is shrill is not inherently sexist, and then about how Taylor Swift is one crazy bitch. Oh, and it's Olympic time in Rio [De Janiero]. 

Jul 29, 2016

Lex and Matt kick back at the lush Rocco's Tavern to discuss Sarah Silverman's Anonymous Twitter hijacking, some crazy "independent" British family who depends on your crowdfunding help, Tobias Strebel as he pertains to plastic surgery ethics, a "hyena man" in Africa, early-retiring NFL players and their potential to marginalize football, crazy Randy Quaid, and Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson's doctor and killer (kind of), finally confirms that the King of Pop was, indeed, a pedophile (not a moment too soon)

Jul 25, 2016

Lex and Matt discuss Ashley Graham's weight loss angles, a water polo girl's touching story, Kobe Bryant's family financial advice, DNC leaked emails, Brandy suing her label for slavery, what Kim Kardashian charges per hour, and Star Trek social engineering. 

Jul 18, 2016

Lex and Matt discuss Jennifer Aniston's open letter to pregnancy rumor starters, the honor killing of Pakistani Kim K, Peeping Playboy Playmate Dani Mathers (after an uncomfortably long and detailed discussion on Hef's penis), broke-ass rappers who act all rich, the new Girl Ghostbusters film, Amy Schumer suddenly remembering how she was raped, and Victoria Beckham involving her child in her attention-whoring endeavors.

Jul 6, 2016

Lex taps into Matt's fury about YouTube star Calum McSwiggan's fake hate crime, Kevin Durant joining the team that just ended his playoff run, John Cena's diversity ad, someone who willfully changed his name to "Boozie Badazz," Ashley Madison's downfall, and the art of the threesome (the last two topics are not necessarily related)

Jun 29, 2016

In the wake of a monumental SCOTUS decision, Chelsea Handler talks about getting two abortions in one year when she was a teenager. Kanye West releases a bizarre music video, and Black Twitter thinks Justin Timberlake saying that we're all one race at the BET Awards is just like saying "all lives matter." Lex and Matt cover these topics as well as male breastfeeding, photography and other non-real jobs, and the big, fat daughter of Gene Simmons.

Jun 22, 2016

Lex and Matt are back to talk aboot Canada's new gender-neutral national anthem, the girl who nailed 31 Oakland cops, Michael Jackson's vast porn collection, the possibility of a blood and/or sexual relationship between Khloe Kardashian and OJ Simpson, why anyone still watches the ESPYs, LA Weekley and the death of journalism, and the possibility of many more deaths at the Rio Olympics. 

Jun 15, 2016

After taking some time off, Lex and Matt are back to talk about that illegal immigrant valedictorian, a big fat victory for London people, celebrities making the Orlando attack about themselves, the sex-based double-standard regarding sex-based teacher-student relationships, a creepy-ass Target sperm-donating professor, Meg Ryan no longer looking like Meg Ryan, and porn actress Cameron Bay strips the veil off of the porn industry.

May 30, 2016

Some vegans died descending Mount Everest, surprising some people for some reason. The University of Georgia pays Ludacris $65,000 and magnum condoms to perform at their spring football game, mandatory sex consent apps on college campuses, and a gay billionaire bankrolling lawsuits against Gawker.

May 23, 2016

Some guy studied how men and women rate TV shows geared toward the opposite sex, Tess Holliday claims some doctor said she's healthy and totally not going to kill her baby with her own obesity, some college coach's wife calls out her cheating husband over twitter, and Huffington Post proudly tweets a photo of their diverse workforce ranging from white women to whiter women. Join Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston for an in-depth look at these and other topics, including the return of Lex's favorite segment: Panties in a Bunch!

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