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Last Men On Earth

Men had a decent run on this planet. We can go sullen face into the abyss of feminist asexual reproduction and guys from spin class who order beer with hints of fruit or we can face the end of masculinity with a stiff upper lip, a purpose-filled boner, and some understanding of how the fuck we got stamped for extermination in the first place. I can’t remember which option involves less work. Maybe we’ll just do the sullen face thing. The Last Men on Earth isn’t an exaggeration. Search your newsstands, magazine racks, and online hotspots. There’s a war on scrotums and the scrotes are losing. Badly. No, you don’t get a last cigarette. Those were targeted for elimination before the men. You can’t fight what you don’t believe exists. Death is coming in the form of one politically correct Grim Reaper. Ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to have something I could call my own. Not the pants my dad poached from drunk midgets in parking structures or the bicycle with one wheel he told me would take me on grand imaginary adventures. Something special. On Last Men on Earth, we say what we want, even if that means being pushed to the front of the extruder line. See you on the other side. Ask Hank for the fresh doughnuts. He’ll know whether or not you earned them. Lex
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Last Men On Earth
2017
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Oct 11, 2017

We're joined by LA's top dating coach Jerod Zavistosky this week for a rousing roundtable on Harvey Weinstein's harassment, Cam Newton's smugly smiling sexist reply to a female sports reporter, how a TSA agent asked out Brie Larson, Amber Rose complaining of being degraded as a "former stripper" (after forming her namesake SlutWalk), and finally ESPN and Jemele Hill.

Oct 6, 2017

Beth Bowen of Bravo's "There Goes the Motherhood" brings a refreshing female perspective to the show, as Lex and Matt also talk about Tiffany Trump and when not to take a selfie, college basketball corruption, the "semen flute" guy, Dan Bilzerian live streams himself fleeing from the Vegas massacre, and why nobody in Hollywood is screaming about Roman Polanski's kid rape

Sep 28, 2017

Richard Simmons loses in his slander suit against the Enquirer, NFL players kneel for...why, again? Hurricane Maria absolutely destroys Melissa Joan Hart's vacation, the media reports on Trump instead of more objectively important and newsworthy topics, underage hot chicks, and...reproductive coercion?

 

Sep 19, 2017

Lex and Matt are back to talk about the death of Rolling Stone and what it means for legacy media and rock n' roll, and then they get into Tom Cruise's Scientological and parental problems, Scottie Nell Hughes further clouding the definition of rape, Ed Skerin turning down his Hellboy role so an Asian (but still not Japanese) actor can have the role, Ariel Winter's tits and her stage mom's role in exploiting them, and Jaime King's thoughts on body positivity equality

Sep 13, 2017

Hollywood is going all out for social justice films and TV, plus a Ruth Bader Ginsburg biopic, Fashion Week tries to be something it simply can't be, Matt hates people who ignore the bigger picture surrounding the gender pay gap, Priyanka Chopra gets all feministy, Ted Cruz's Senate Twitter account likes a porn video, and ESPN turns a Monday Night Football broadcast into amateur hour.

Sep 7, 2017

For our 100th episode, Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City to discuss Toni Basil's struggles as a one-annoying-hit-wonder, L'Oreal's transsexual former model's racist rant, Kate Middleton's royal tits, the stupid all-female Lord of the Flies remake, Cholo appropriation by the Jenners, Disqus's new "toxic comment" filtration/echo chamber accomodations, and the gayest pizza Brian as ever ordered.

Aug 30, 2017

Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern to discuss Colin Kaepernick's protestors, James Cameron's opinion on Wonder Woman, Amazon and Whole Foods, Matt's thoughts on why humanity is utterly doomed, Burning Man, and Farrah Avraham's vagina rejuvenation. 

Aug 25, 2017

Joss Whedon's ex-wife says he's a serial young-actress-fucking dick, ESPN re-assigns an Asian football commentator due to concerns about dicks on social media, R. Kelly and his dick get away with everything, Mark Wahlberg's pay gap versus dickless movie stars, and an attempt to talk about Tiger Woods' dick pic ends up being more of a conversation on dicks in general. 

Aug 17, 2017

We have a rare repeat guest, as Jessica Winther joins Lex and Matt to discuss how some people were uncomfortable with ESPN's Fantasy Football auction, Taylor Swift's ass grab lawsuit victory, erectile dysfunction among young males due to porn.  We also touch on Chelsea Manning covering Vogue, Cindy Crawford's kids, and Matt's thoughts on Christina El Moussa receiving alimony from her ex.

Aug 10, 2017

Should one actually need to contract an STD in order to sue someone else for not disclosing that they were infected before nailing you? Lex and Matt are joined by special guest Jessica Winther to debate this as well as James Damore fired for failing to Googlethink, British boob model Chloe Ayley's totally fake Italian sex trafficking abduction, Sinead O'Connor acting out for attention again, Serena Williams' beta baby daddy, and Sophie Turner of "Game of Thrones" on casting by follower count versus acting talent. 

Aug 2, 2017

Ronnie James Dio gets the hologram treatment so other living people can profit, Lil Duval defends his post-transsexual sex violence threats, Matt Explains Debbie Wasserman-Schultz's greasy-ass Jheri Curl, George Clooney is the latest victim of paparazzi feeding middle-age women's cravings to see other people's babies, Lady Gaga's involvement in the Dr. Luke/Kesha likely fake rape case, and Blake Lively's blatant sexism

Jul 26, 2017

Amber Rose says all Kanye West ever gave him was fame (AKA the only thing she has?), the lady who got herpes from Usher wants $20 million from him, Liev Schreiber takes his son to Comic-Con dressed as Harley Quinn, MTV gets rid of VMA gender categories, ESPN seems to want out of the sports writing industry, and "Confederate" - the new series from the makers of Game of Thrones 

Jul 20, 2017

R. Kelly claims he's not holding young women against their will in exchange for furthering their music careers, Disney's live-action Aladdin production, Matt laments how award shows have become little more than celebrating survivors of rape stories that may or may not have actually happened, Ariel Winter gets body shamed online, Matt tries out a new segment about how Award shows are now just rape story circle jerks, an update on Mattress Girl and Columbia University, and Caitlyn Jenner attacks Jimmy Kimmel

Jul 6, 2017

Emily Ratajkowski says her voluptuous breasts are holding her back in Hollywood, Disney puts the PC back in Pirates of the Caribbean, Matt discusses the potential problems regarding a Canadian transsexual father raising his child genderless, how Jay Z's rhymes seem to have softened a bit, shit escalating between Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna, and Corinne Olympios drops her "Bachelor in Paradise" rape allegations.

Jun 29, 2017

Serena Williams' crazed fans think John McEnroe crossed a line, Shonda Rimes alleges obese-o-phobia, "Fearless Girl" wins an award for its courageous political correctness, Matt apologizes for suggesting that Amber Heard was faking it, Jessica Biel's rich mom "struggles", and apparently the White House used to hold a Ramadan dinner before Trump.

 

 

Jun 21, 2017

The Gender Pay Gap manifests itself in Wonder Woman, Harvard rescinds its acceptance of ten students due to racist memes, Carrie Fisher's inevitable toxicology report, Man Bun Ken dolls, Elizabeth Banks thinks Steven Spielberg is sexist, Emily Rossum shares the latest "bikini shaming" horror story, and Bill Cosby's hung...jury

Jun 14, 2017

Lex gives Matt no time to prepare as the two dive face-first into Dennis Rodman's frat boy North Korea diplomacy, Alison Brie's horrifying forced partial-toplessness incident, Katy Perry's needless 72-hour livestream, non-consenting cunnilingus during "Bachelor in Paradise", and another Amber Rose Slut Walk for some reason (okay, it's attention whoring).

May 31, 2017

Lex and Matt are back to Rocco's in Studio City after a week off as they tackle Kathy Griffin's Trump stunt, a sportswriter fired for a tweet about the Japanese Indy 500 winner, Jamie Foxx's high school sex life, Tiger Woods's fade, Rolling Stone calling the Manchester Ariana Grande bombing "misogynistic," how Wonder Woman became an idol among Hollywood women, and Ashley Graham's big, fat segment on Steve Harvey's show before the Fire Marshall shuts us down

May 17, 2017

As if mommy bloggers weren't already the most annoying people on social media, one had to up the ante and give birth on Facebook Live. Lex and Matt head back to Rocco's Tavern in Studio City to probe this subject, plus the sudden unpopularity of the name Caitlyn (thanks, Jenner...), Gabourey Sidibe's precious double-shaming allegation, female airplane cup pissings, and Steve Harvey's unexplainable success. Plus, Matt explains the problems inherent in a sports league where everyone's having sex with one another (okay...the WNBA), and Lex talks with his gender fluid child about why his panties are in a bunch this week.

May 11, 2017

Can a Florida man prove his innocence by whipping out his cock? If nobody cares about your public breastfeeding, are you really a hero? And did you hear about that shark attack on a porn star?  Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston have a rousing discussion on these topics as well as Emma Watson's MTV Awards speech, Robert DiNiro ranting about Trump, the crazy shit that goes on at Diddy's house, and George Michael's last boyfriend.

May 4, 2017

Who does V Magazine think the target audience for Ashley Graham's nude photos is? Lex and Matt dive deep into this and Rosie O'Donnell nakedly chasing her teen daughter around with a wine bottle, Mark Zuckerberg's "listening tour," selling murderers' cars, Fox News sexual harassment house-cleaning, the dumbass models blindly promoting the disastrous FyreFest, and Lonzo Ball's dad milking him for all he's worth.

Apr 27, 2017

Fat Tess Holliday fat shames her fat Uber driver, Emmanuel Macron married the teacher who raped him and nobody cares, Brie Larson is full of shit, Abigail Breslin keeps talking about rape without evidence, Serena Williams does some weird baby stuff, Caitlyn Jenner's resemblance to Sound Guy Brian's pizza, and Facebook Live murders and social media's implications about society at large. As always, recorded live at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City.

Apr 13, 2017

Caitlin Jenner finally has "the surgery," Abigail Breslin opens up on social media about date rape in lieu of the legal system, Melania Trump is legally not a prostitute, Clay Adler joins the ranks of now-dead ex-MTV reality show stars, Matt explains overrated people and things in his new segment, Lex's panties are in a bunch about David Schwimmer, and of course, United Airlines out-does Pepsi

Apr 6, 2017

Sound guy Brian somehow didn't save last week's amazing episode, but he's back and sober enough to remember to hit "save" at the correct time as Lex and Matt discuss that outrage-inducing Pepsi ad with Kendall Jenner, Lena Dunham losing weight and therefore selling out, why David Spade gets so much tail, Rupert Sanders claiming his artistic inspiration came from nailing Kristen Stewart and wrecking his marriage, how Pam Anderson and Julian Assange are definitely still fucking, Brits dropping "Easter" from the name of their egg hunt, and that Funny Or Die video about why men should pay for pap smears or some damn thing.

Mar 23, 2017

Lex and Matt descend upon Rocco's Tavern in Studio City to hammer the week's most pressing topics: Kesha losing in court again instead of making good music, Scott Disick's sex addiction, how funny Chelsea Handler is, the marital and ethical strains caused by your wife fucking a middle schooler, a women-only table read of "Juno," Alejandra Campoverdi's Maxim photos and fake Streisand Effect attention bait, and...yeah, people are actually paying to rent raccoons in Russia. 

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